I was doing a little catching up on my blog reading, and I came across this post on Memoirs of a Clueless Woman.
She wrote that she knew her third child would be her last, so she took tons of photos of him. And when he pushes her to her limits of patience and sanity (and really, what kid doesn’t do that to their poor, exhausted parents?), she looks back on those photos and is reminded that he is her baby and he won’t always be so challenging.
Her post made me aware that I do the same thing when my kids test me.
I get through the challenging moment the best I can, then, after putting my kids to bed, I sit down at my computer and sift through all those delicious baby photos that remind me of their innocence, their sweetness, their tiny personalities at that stage and how much they trusted me unquestioningly with their safety and well-being. Then I go back upstairs, tip toe into their room and hug and kiss them until I almost wake them up. I sneak out of their room then and stand at the door, peering at them through the crack as if looking into their lives as they stretch out before me.
Looking back on those baby photos, reliving those motherhood moments when I thought I couldn’t love another human being more and was so terrified of messing them up, reminds me that I was innocent too. I didn’t know the full capacity then—and I don’t know now—of the love that I feel for those little people that I brought into the world.
As a mother, I have grown so much right alongside those two little monkeys who, on some days, test me to my limits but who are really just doing their best to figure everything out…just like me.
Dipping into the past through photos (and catching the odd glimpse of myself in those pictures—most of the time I was behind the camera) is such a great reminder of the infinite wonders that are my little ones and the distance that I have come as a mother to those little wonders. But it also shows me that we have this infinite capacity for love and patience and strength that keeps us going, even on days when we don’t think we can.
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