Something’s been niggling at the back of my mind for the last few days. And no, it’s not the pressure of doing a full-time job and teaching my kids everything they’re missing because they’re not in school. Nor is it this strange new reality we find ourselves in.
There are all sorts of feelings we’re all experiencing right now. A friend sent me a Harvard Business Review article last night about grief, and it made me realize that grief was one of the feelings that I’ve been experiencing. And there have been moments of fear and (many) moments of guilt, and of course there’s good ol’ panic and anxiety thrown in there for good measure.
But mostly I’m handling these emotions. I haven’t meditated for a while, and I really should make time for that (but life is crazy busy right now and my focus is elsewhere, even though I know a good sit would do me a world of good and would help with the crazy).
But what’s been niggling at me is having to step back into the world when this is all over. I haven’t left my house in six days. And I don’t want to.
I know I should be going for a walk (at a distance from people) every day, especially on sunny days. But I have work to do. I have kids to teach and guide. I have a house to keep clean (which is harder now that we’re all in it all the time).
And I know those are all excuses. I HAVE to go outside. But I don’t want to.
I thought this could happen. Just like I get paralyzed with writing and getting chores done, I’m paralyzed by the idea of going outside.
And I realize now that the reason I stayed so busy and kept our family in all sorts of scheduled activities before all this happened was to force myself to go outside and keep moving forward each day. Now that I don’t have to, now that it’s encouraged to socially isolate, I can’t seem to bring myself to go out.
So, today, I’m starting Experiment #2: The go outside and do something experiment. I may do that by supporting a local espresso bar that offers take-out down the street.
How are you managing your social isolation? Is it getting to you or are you grateful to be stuck inside?